@@COISAS QUE VALEM SER LEMBRADAS PRA SEMPREEEEE.......

***Dia da Vitoria...29 de maio de 1994>>>Nao me lembro quem inventou esse nome pra esse dia mas eu sei o porque!ahahaha)- Mello Tennis club: Primeiro eu tenho que falar o que aconteceu exatamente uma semana antes desse dia...
Eu, uma pequerrucha de 13 anos- detalhe eu nao tinha nem peito nessa epoca-, vestida de Arrebentaçao dos pes a cabeça, tennis nike, aquele cabelao solto, eis que passo na frente do cara que viria a ser o primeiro grande amor da minha vida. Ele: magrinho, estatura mediana , 15 anos, calça jeans larga e tennis Nauru, cabelo liso pretinho ate os ombros e olhos cor de mel.Eu passo, ele olha, ai eu claro invento uma desculpa pra passar de novo por ali, ele olha e pisca... ai que nervoso! quem entra? Amanda, minha prima, po Carolina, o cara ta te olhando te dando o o maior mole, vai la falar com ele!! eu: O QUE???NAO MESMO! deixa eu fazer charminho ahahha! quando a gente passa de novo por ali, a Amanda me puxa e me para na frente do cara como se fosse nos apresentar um pro outro, ele segura firme na minha mao, me da dois beijinhos no rosto, o outro quase na boca e diz: to te olhando ha um tempao! ai eu sabia ne! que droga!! ja era quase meia noite e carruagem das cinderelas (o carango do meu pai) estava esperando as princesas na porta do Mello. Eu disse: olha eu to indo embora daqui a pouco, vc estara aqui na semana que vem? Ele: com certeza! vou estar exatamente aqui nesse lugar te esperando. OPA, coraçao de adolescente vai na boca. Ok a gente se ve no domingo que vem! ai ai... Amandaaaa!!!! eu fui embora e nao sei o nome dele nem ele sabe o meu!! a ousadia em pessoa me pergunta: quer que eu va la e pergunte? NAO NAO, VAMOS EMBORA SENAO PAPAI BRIGA!! ai ja viu ne, nao ia ter Mello na semana que vem!
Passei a semana todinha pensando nauquele menino dos olhos cor de mel, doida pra chegar o proximo domingo pra ir pro Mello de novo.
O domingo chegou, nossa eu entrei no clube com o coraçao na mao, e a cabeça nas nunvens, na entrada: chiclete fresh-up de hortela e Trident. No inicio do baile sempre tocava o que chamavamos no nosso carioques de CHARME, mas que na verdadade se chama R&B.Quando acabava o R&B o globo espelhado enorme que ficava no meio da pista descia e os djs faziam um som como se fosse de uma nave espacial pousando, ai era fumaça e gente dançando doida no escuro pra todo lado... ai começou a tocar...OH BABY ME LEVAAAA... ME LEVA QUE EU TE QUERO ME LEVAAAA!! -ai que cafona, mas ja que era a musica da epoca deixa pra la- quem entra??adivinha??ELE!!! A Amanda logo se adiantou, olha ele ali com a camisa cinza... camisa cinza com os dizeres:HELL SKATE, calça largona,tennis Nauru la vem ele...CARACA!! ELE ME VIU... RIU E PISCOU PRA MIM...coraçao adolescente.. bate forte pum pum pum...A Amanda e minha irma foram para o meio da pista dançar e eu fui atras.. a ousadia em pessoa me pergunta:O QUE VC ESTA FAZENDO AQUI MULE? pera ai... la foi ela, me colocou na frente dele, ui cara a cara,fiquei tao nervosa.Ele beijou a minha mao,e disse:Poxa semana passada eu nem fiquei sabendo o seu nome...EU:Prazer, Carolina! ELE: Prazer Carlos. Que noite linda, foi um dos dias mais inesqueciveis da minha vida, quantos beijos  daqueles que duravam uma vida inteira, no escurinho (sem mao boba ahaha) embalados a Stevie B (BECAUSE I LOOOVE YOUUU...) Deby Gibson,(ONLY IN MY DREEEEEAAAMS....) Cindy Lauper,(REMIX TIME AFTER TIME, GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN REMIX) ate mesmo um remix de Stand by me do John Lennon. Esse dia entrou pra historia...foi o dia em que conheci o Carlos, Carlinhos, como os outros costumavam chama-lo, meu primeiro amor, conheci o que era o amor... infelizmente, ou felizmente nao sei... minha estoria com ele nos dois anos seguintes, nao foi muito feliz..Aultima vez que o vi foi ha mais ou menos 5 anos... A ultima noticia que tive dele e que ja teria uns dois ou tres filhos e que tentou se suicidar enforcado, mas alguem chegou a tempo para impedir.
Ele foi meu primeiro amor quando era o menino mais feliz desse mundo, Eu fui a menina dele quando ainda era a pequena inocente que eu gostaria de ser hoje. Ambos nos tornamos pessoas complicadas. Eu ao menos tive a sorte de ter encontrado, ao longo da minha vida, coisas que deram sentido a esta: familia, amigos, estudos, oportunidades, ate mesmo outros namorados. Mas ele nao teve a mesma sorte...eu acho! Eu nao faço ideia de onde ele esteja, mas apesar de todas as vezes que eu o beijei com olhos apertados de paixao e que ele "cagou" pra isso, apesar de todas aquelas noites entre luzes coloridas piscando e meus olhos so viam os olhos dele que fugiam dos meus, eu gostaria de ter noticias de que ele esta bem e feliz, seja la onde ele estiver, 10 anos depois...

Then as it was, then again it will be
An’ though the course may change sometimes
Rivers always reach the sea
Blind stars of fortune, each have several rays
On the wings of maybe, down in birds of prey
Kind of makes me feel sometimes, didn’t have to grow
But as the eagle leaves the nest, it’s got so far to go

Changes fill my time, baby, that’s alright with me
In the midst I think of you, and how it used to be

Did you ever really need somebody, and really need ’em bad
Did you ever really want somebody, the best love you ever had
Do you ever remember me, baby, did it feel so good
’cause it was just the first time, and you knew you would

Through the eyes an’ I sparkle, senses growing keen
Taste your love along the way, see your feathers preen
Kind of makes makes me feel sometimes, didn’t have to grow
We are eagles of one nest, the nest is in our soul

Vixen in my dreams, with great surprise to me
Never thought I’d see your face the way it used to be
Oh darlin’, oh darlin’

I’m never gonna leave you. I never gonna leave
Holdin’ on, ten years gone
Ten years gone, holdin’ on, ten years gone
                                          (TEN YEARS GONE-LED ZEPELLIN)
.

ENGLISH VERSION:

@@ THINGS THAT ARE REALLY WORTH TO BE REMEMBERED FOR FOREVEEEERRRR...

1-Victory's day..MAY 29TH, 1994>> I don't remember exactally who named this day LIKE THIS AT FIRST, but I sure know why it is called like this!!) First I have to tell you what happenned one week before this day...
Me, a 13 years old little girl-P.s:I had not even breasts at that time, dressed on pricy clothes and nike tennis shoes, long brown hair, I passed in just in front of the guy that would be the first and greatest love of my life, the one I would never forget. HE: A 15 years old guy,skiny, avarage lenght, dressed in jeans and Nauru tennis shoes, long black straight and beautifull hair falling on his shoulder and honey collour eyes. I passed, he was starring at me, and of course I found out a poor excuse to pass around there,in front of him again, he looks straight into my eyes and bliks for me... My cousin Amanda: Damm it Carol, the guy has a big crush on you, go there and talk to him!!! ME:NO WAY!  I liked to be difficult for the guys.When we passed around there again, Amanda push me against him, then I had no choice..He said: Girl, I've been watching  you for a while! ON MY MIND:damm it! it's almost midnight and the Cinderela's car(my dad's car) was waitting for 3 young ladies in front of the club. I said: sorry I have to go now (ehe it even sound as Cinderela saying bye bye to the prince at midnight).Will you be here next week? he said:yeah sure! I will be exactally here waitting for you, cute! OH GOSH!! my teenager heart beating fast. OK SEE YOU NEXT SUNDAY!! then something came out of my mind...AMANDAAA!!! I WENT AWAY AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW HIS NAME!! the brave girl said: Do you want me to go there and ask him? NO , NO, LET'S GO, OTHERWISE MY DAD WILL GET ANGRY AND NOT ALLOW US TO COME NEXT SUNDAY!! and of course that I couldn't even think about the possibility of not going next sunday ahah!
Sunday finally came, and as I can remember I had spent the whole week thinking about that honey collour eyes boy so eager to see him again.
We finally came on the club.. procedures: 1- buy chew gums on the front gate. 2- Stay on the first gate to see WHO was getting inside the club. On the begginning when everyone was coming was always playing R&B, what on CARIOCA'S slang we called as CHARME. When R&B was over I remember that there was a big glass globe on the middle of the dance floor, coming down, and down and the Dj playing the sound as if there was an spaceship landing... THEN... lots of crazy people dancing, smoke, love , kisses everything in the air... When the dance music started to play guess who got into the dance floor???!! HIM!!! Amanda was the first one: LOOK!! IT'S HIM IN GRAY SHIRT!... gray shirt stamped on it the words: HELL SKATE, jeans pants, Nauru shoes there comes him... GOSH!!HE SAW ME!! HE SMILED SO SWEET AND BLINKED HIS EYE TO ME!! teenager heart beating as fast as a F1 car!!!
Amanda and my sister went to the middle of the dance floor...I also did! and the baldest person I 've ever known, Amanda, of course said: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?come on, wait a darn minute.... there comes Amanda, she had put me in front of the guy! I got so nervous! He kissed my hands and said: Last week you forgot to tell me your name... ME:Carolina,Nice to meet you! HE:Carlos,Nice to meet you too!
Oh what a beautifull night!!! one of the most unforgetable days of my life, how many kisses, that kind that lasted a whole life, in the dark, just lighted by the moonlight playing Stevie B. (BECAUSE I LOOOOVE YOUUUUU), Deby Gibson (ONLY IN MY DREEEAAAMMMSSS...) remixes of Cindy Lauper (Girls just wanna have fun and time after time) and even the remixes of Stand by me(John Lennon).
This day is of course one of the most important of my life story... because on that day I met what love was really like.. CARLOS OR CARLINHOS (how people used to call him),MY FIRST LOVE... fortunatelly ou unfortunatelly, my story with him on the next 2 years after that night was not that happy... The last time I saw him was almost 5 years ago... the last news I've heard about him is that he probably has 2 or 3 kids and tried suicide wraping something over his neck. Fortunatelly he did not die, because someone got there in time to prevent it. He was my first love when he was the happiest boy of the world... I was his girl, when I was the  the innocent one I would like to be untill now. Both tuned into complicated ones, me at least had the lucky of having things to give meaning to my life... familly, studies,friends,oportunities and even other boyfriends but he sure did not have the same lucky as I did,instead of all that he had a totally destroyed familly life, a mother who commited suicide(and the worst is that I was there to see it), fake friends, alcohool and drugs. Once he asked me to put a red rose on his grave when he dies, and I replied saying that I wouldn't dare to do it for not being someone so meaninfull to him. I got no idea where he is at the moment, but although all the times I kissed him so lovely with my eyes closed and he didan't give a shit to that, although all the nights between colloured lights that my eyes used to look for his and his eyes was always running away from mine, I wish I had some news that he is all right, whatever and wherever he is... 10 years later...

Coisas estranhas que acontecem  SO comigo e pelo mundo...

EITA MUNDO ESTRANHO...CONSPIRAÇOES...

>>Voces acham que o cantor Marilyn Manson e mesmo o personagem Paul (melhor amigo de Kevin) da serie ANOS INCRIVEIS???

>> Voces acham que Paul Macartney nao e o proprio Paul Macartney pois o proprio teria morrido decaptado em um acidente de motocicleta, entao arrumaram um sosia para o mesmo, e que os Beatles deixam isso bem claro em "mensagens subliminares" na capa de seus albums como Abbey road e St peppers???

>>Hitler traiu Mussolini??

>> Onde esta Bin Laden??

>>O time brasileiro de futebol na copa de 1998 recebeu milhoes para perder o jogo da final com a França, que afinal nao poderiam perder em sua casa,por serem  tao patriotas e orgulhosos justamente no dia da queda da Bastilha?? e que ja era garantida a vitoria para 2002???

>>O frio e psicologico? considerando-se que os soldados russos treinavam nus na neve numa temperatura de -20 graus celsius durante a guerra??
 
EITA GAROTA ESQUISITINHA.. aquelas coisinhas que so acontecem comigo e com vc...

Carolina, centro da cidade a caminho da feira de livros da Cinelandia, saca so o visual:oculos na cara totalmente lavada, calça larga caindo da minha cintura por causa dos quilos que perdi,em consequencia minha calcinha preta a mostra ne! blusa da Hering preta e sem graça, cabelo horroroso amarrado em um coque -detalhe- raiz do cabelo castanha e o resto loiro escuro ihihi- sandalia de plastico metalica Melissa (ninguem merece!), uma bolsa enorme azul a tiracolo, saio da feira depois de meia hora de papo com o vendedor de livros que ate virou meu amigo e me faz varios descontos ahaha! :D.
Eu carregando a bolsa, quatro livros, e segurando as calças pra minha calcinha nao aparecer... uma criatura de terno escuro e gravata aparentando uns 30 e poucos, para na minha frente morde os labios e diz: QUE FURACÃO NAO SE ESCONDE ATRAS DESSES OCULOS E DESSES LIVROS EM??!!! e sai na maior cara de pau me olhando como se eu estivesse nua!!! :O GENTE, EU JA LEVEI TODO TIPO DE CANTADA MAS ESSA E INEDITA! PRINCIPALMENTE PELO MODO COMO EU ESTAVA... HORROROSA!!!!!!
EU... O QUE???!!!! eu nao sabia se eu ria,se segurava as calças ou se eu saia correndo porque do jeito que aquele cara me olhou parecia que queria me "papar"ali mesmo no meio da praça.. Sera que viu a minha calcinha preta aparecendo e ficou com tesao??ahahahhaha muito suspeito....pelo menos eu sei que ninguem se daria ao trabalho de pagar esse cara pra levantar meu ego!! Sei nao alguns caras devem gostar do visual intelectual montra !!ahahahahahhahahaha :D

ENGLISH VERSION:

Strange things that ONLY happens to me and all over the world...
WHAT A FREAK WORLD.. CONSPIRATIONS...

>>Do you think that the singer Marylin Manson is the character Paul(the best friend of Kevin Arnold) from the tv serial THE WONDER YEARS??

>>Do you think that Paul Macartney died on a motorcycle accident and he was substituted by someone who had a very alike looks?? Is it possible that THE BEATLES made that clear using subliminar massages on the cover of their albums as ABBEY ROAD AND Sgt. PEPPER???

>> Did Hittler betray Mussolini??

>>Where's Bin Laden??

>>Did the brazilian soccer team received millions of dollars to loose the finals with France on the 1998's World Cup, considering that the french, for being so patriot and proud of their country would never accept to loose  the World Cup at home?? In all that situation was the 2002's championship already guaranteed to Brasil??

>>Is the cold feelling a psicological thing considering that the russian soldiers used to have their trainnings naked on the snow on a temperature of -20 degrees celsius during the war??

OH FREAK GIRL.. THINGS THAT ONLY HAPPENS TO YOU AND TO ME...

Carolina, Rio's downtown on the way to the street book market in Cinelandia, see the looks: wearing glasses on a totally washed up face (no make up at all ), pants falling down on my weistline because of the weight I've lost, in consequence of that my black bra showing up! Hering black t-shirt, horrible hair tied on a bend, plastic metalic melissa sandals (NOBODY DESERVES THAT!),carring a big blue bag.I left the book market after a 30 minutes chat with the book seller, who became my friend, and of course, gave me lots of discounts on the book's prices ahahaahahah! :D
Me: carring the big bag and four books in my hands, holding my pants not to fallen down and let my black bra showing up...
A criature  wearing  dark suit and necktie,  about 30 years old, shows up from nothing, stop in front of me, bite his lips and say: WHAT A HURRICANE YOU MUST BE BEHIND THESE BOOKS AND GLASSES!! and he leaves just like this looking at me as if I were naked!! :O People, I already hear all kinds of things coming from me, but this one is brand new!!! specially by the  horrible way I was looking!!!!
ME?? I thouhgt: WHAT??? I didan't know if I laughed , hold my pants or run away from there as faster as possible because the way he looked at me, it seamed he wanted to "have" me right there on the middle of the central square!!!!... What if he became horny after he saw my black bra??ahahahahhaha VERY SUSPECIOUS!! At least I know nobody would pay that guy to cheer me up putting my ego up that way!!! WELL,I guess some guys like the intelectual-mosnter visual!ahahahahahhahahaha

Sobre sexta a noite...

Quando sai do trabalho uma carruagem branca de vidros fume, tocando rock n'roll em ultimo volume me esperava no portao principal do predio.
Eu, unhas e batom vermelho e olhos pintados com lapis e sombra, perfume agradavel que deixei no elevador do predio e pelo caminho... a carruagem corria , corria.. a policia nos parou: PAPA MIKE... CODIGO SECRETO ENTRE ELES. checando os docuementos a policia nos liberou.. e la fomos. Algo que deveria ser agradavel, me deixa pior do que eu ja estava, ao menos minha aura nao esta mais tao negra... nao tem nexo! nao tem porque! nao faz sentido... ai entao carruagem parte para outro local distante, uma dessas festas espalhadas pelo Rio de Janeiro... e ali EU... eu fui eu mesma, maquiada como uma puta da Avenida Atlantica, eu que parei de fumar ha 2 meses,com cigarros na mao, umas 3 latas de skol e duas garrafinhas de Smirnoff Ice.. ai sim eu fui eu mesma...
Falei e falei o que deveria e o que nao deveria fiz e nao fiz o que deveria e o que deveria...EU no meio de mais de 300 pessoas sentindo falta de uma so! de qua adianta beijos pra esquecer?esses beijos te lembram ainda mais... E no final da noite quando chego em casa as 7 da manha e nao consigo dormir... que vazio dentro de mim...mas nada como um bom sono pra te trazer de volta a realidade. REALIDADE!!! ACORDE GAROTA A VIDA E AQUI E AGORA!!
Ainda assim Madonna, cante pra mim...
Madonna, sing for me...

what can I do?? I don't wanna feel blue...

BAD GIRLS
DRUNK BY 6
KISSING SOMEONE ELSE'S LIPS
SMOKE TOO MANY CIGARRETS TODAY
I AM NOT HAPPY WHEN I ACT THIS WAY
BAD GIRLS DRUNK BY 6
KISSING SOME KIND OF STRANGER'S LIPS
SMOKE TOO MANY CIGARRETS TODAY
I AM NOT HAPPY...
I AM NOT HAPPY..
THIS WAY!
 
ENGLISH VERSION:
About friday night...

When I left work, there was a white car with deep dark windows, playing rock n'roll on the highest volume waitting for me on the main gate of the building.
ME:nails and lips painted in red, eyes covered by pencil and eye shadow, nice perfume that I left on the building's elevator, throught the way I passed... that car ran so fast, so fast.. the cops stopped us: PAPA MIKE... A KIND OF PASSWORD BETWEEN THEM. Checking documents, they let us go.. and there we went. Something that should be fun, let me worse that I was, at least my mood was not as dark as before... no reason why! no sense! then the car leaves to somewhere else, far from there. One of these parties around Rio de Janeiro city .. and there me... me , myself and I: maked up face as a hooker from Atlantic Avenue in Copacabana, I quited smoking for 2 months, but I had cigarrets on my hands, after 3 candles of beer and 2 bottles of Smirnoff Ice... then I could be myself.. I said what I should and what I shouldn't say and I did what I should and what I shouldn't do... ME in the middle of a crowd of more than 300 people, missing just one! what is the point of kissing to forget? These kisses makes you remember all the time...At the end of the night when I get home at 7 am, I could not sleep...It was so empty inside of me... But nothing as a real good sleep to bring you up again, REALITY! WAKE UP GIRL, LIFE IS RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!!

It's funny how I find myself
In love with you
If I could buy my reasoning
I'd pay to lose
One half won't do...

TO COM VONTADE......

To com vontade de escutar Duran Duran, Joy Division, Happy Mondays,Pet Shop "bichas", Everything but the girl,A-HA, LEVEL 42, NEW ORDER, DEPECHE MODE, SIMPLE MINDS, BLISS, PHONOMENA 2, PREFRAB SPROUT, NINAHAGEN, NENA.....BEM ALTO BEM ALTO BEM ALTO ate que todas as janelas do em que eu moro explodam com o volume do meu som!!!! eu quero alto alto alto!!!!! vou cantar ate que minha voz desapareça,eu quero o glam dos anos 80 de volta, eu quero aquele gel de porpurina no cabelo!!! eu quero aquela bota parecida com a da Madonna que eu usava... eu quero assistir ANJOS DA LEI COM JOHNNY DEEP, eu quero que minha tia volte a morar na Urca pra passar meus domingos la em baixo do Pao de Açucar  vendo o raio laser desenhar o pe do Zico no Morro da Urca!! EU QUEEEEEEROOOOOOO!!!!!!!! eu quero ter medo de bate bola de novo, quero ir a praia vermelha quando ainda era limpinha... PUTZ QUE NOSTALGIA!!!acho que quando chegar em casa vou escutar o cd do Placebo que ganhei do meu ex quando cheguei de viagem... outro ex... bem ex mesmo. aquele que nunca me ofendeu... aquele que ainda e um grande amigo. ahahaha :D

Oh, I'd tell myself
What good do you do
Convince myself

Oh, It's my life... (oh its my life)
Don't you forget... (don't you forget)
Caught in the crowd... (caught in the crowd)
It never ends (it never ends...)

MAS ESSA CERTAMENTE VAI PRO EX MAIS RESCENTE!!! FODA-SE O EX MAIS RESCENTE!!

ENGLISH VERSION...

I FEEL LIKE...

I feel like leasson to DURAN DURAN, JOY DIVISION, HAPPY MONDAYS, PET SHOP "GAYS", EVERYTHING BUT THE GIRL, A-HA, LEVEL 42, NEW ORDER, DEPECHE MODE, SIMPLE MINDS, BLISS, PHENOMENA 2, PREFREB SPROUT,NINA HAGEN, NENA..... VERY HIGH, VERY VERY HIGH untill all the windows of the build I live breaks down!! I want it high high so high... I will sing untill I have no voice anymore, I want the glam of the 80's back, I wanna put on that shine hair gelly again!! I wanna wear  again that Madonna's kind of boots I had... I wanna watch "anjos da lei" ( I don't know the name in english it was a tv serial with Johnny Deep and the soundtrack was the song "always on my mind" of pet shop boys). I want my aunt to get back and live in Urca to spend my sundays under Sugar Loaf watching the lazers drawning ZICO'S feet on Urca's hill!! I WAAAAAANNNNNNTTTT  IT!!!!!!! I wanna be afraid of the guys dressed in carnival costumers again (BATE- BOLAS), I would go to Red beach when it was still clean... GOSH I am so nostalgic today!! I think when I get home I am gonna leasson to the new cd of Placebo I got from my x-bf when I got home from Holland... other x-bf... old x-bf, the one who never offended me... the one who is still a great friend of mine...ahaha ;D

BUT THOSE LYRICS WILL SURE GO TO THE MOST RECENT X - FUCK YOU XS!!!!

I've asked myself
How much do you
Commit yourself?

It's my life
Don't you forget
It's my life
It never ends (It never ends...)

Funny how I blind myself
I never knew
If I was sometimes played upon
Afraid to lose

11:15 PM 5/17/04

Atitudes de Mulher...

Peguei tudo.. tudo, cartas, fotos,cartoes, papeizinhos,pequenas lembranças, e-mails impressos... tudo, dentro de uma pasta azul, azul como costumava ser.. tudo num fundo de armario e la permanecera ate o dia em que um de meus netos resolva escrever um livro de memorias contendo todos os meus diarios e afins e publique a minha biografia nao autorizada. Como em um filme que eu assisti, antes de falacer a velhinha dizia: O CORAÇAO DE UMA MULHER E UM PROFUNDO OCEANO DE SEGREDOS. E assim seja, misteriosa eu?? Sim. Aprendi com a minha querida mamae. E assim seja...

E a atitude de mulher?????

AH vou contar... Fui chamada pela jipe tour pra fazer uns bicos como guia de turismo, eu topei afinal minha carteira de guia ja estava criando teia de aranha!.. enquanto nao recomeça a faculdade topei e fui. Estava sentadinha esperando pra falar com um dos guias que iria me acompanhar, me entra duas figuras, altas, loiras, e isso..GRINGOS. ta e dai? Bom, um deles,se dirigiu ate uma das moças pra pedir informaçao com um livrinho na mao.. eis que de cabeça baixa lendo uma revistinha nao pude deixar de ler:PORTUGUEES/NEEDERLANDE.NAO NAO NAO NAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Baixei meus olhinhos... nao chora, nao chora!!
So via a carade desespero da garota e a cara de bunda do gringo... eu juro que nao queria me meter...:\
ate que...
-Ai colega, vc nao e a guia que vai fazer trilha hoje?
-é!
-sabe falar ingles?
-sei, por que?
-Esses ai querem ir na trilha tambem...tem vaga no jipe.. fala ai pra eles esperarem o guia pra ir junto com voce.

Eu fiz uma cara de "que saco, porra" mas fui em frente e disse pros fantasminhas camaradas que eles deveriam esperar... pra que eu fiz isso?
Um deles..
-Vc fala bem ingles melhor que eu.
eu tava se saco cheio mesmo, alias esses remedinhos magicos me dao paciencia mas a minha tolerancia ainda esta em crise.
-Por que? so porque sou brasileira nao posso falar ingles melhor que voce?
- O cara:oh desculpe, nao foi isso que eu quis dizer.
- ta bom ta bom! nevermind!
So fiquei pensando naquele comercial ridiculo da CENTRAAL BEHEER:

http://www.centraalbeheer.nl/cbi/cb/corporate/fun/commercial.jsp?commercial=schoonmakers&bw=modem

Ele começou com um papinho mole.. e eu so escutando nem abri a boca porque aquele sotaque holandes estava me deixando em depressao.. o tom a voz, o jeito, os olhos azuis. o que mais nao poderia nele me lembrar o que tanto tento esquecer.Enquanto ele falava eu sentia vontade de sair correndo daquele lugar, mandar ele calar a boca, meu olhar no chao... Houve um momento em que ele perguntou...VC NAO FALA NADA?
Fui breve...
-Sou boa ouvinte.
O passeio correu bem ate que na subida do Corcovado, todos os turistas quietinhos apreciando a vista e a bendita criatura indaga:QUE TIPO DE PLANTA E ESSA?
- Nao sei, nao me interesso por botanica!
Eu nao queria escutar a voz daquele gringo.. mas...
-Se vc e guia, deveria saber!
- Se vc me perguntar a historia dessa estrada dessa floresta e de como essas malditas plantas vieram parar aqui eu posso te dizer. isso te satisfaz?
Gente, a gringalhada olhou toda pra minha cara e um deles, um dinamarques eu acho, riu, apludiu e disse... ISSO! GAROTA DE ATITUDE!DEVERIA HAVER MAIS ASSIM NO MEU PAIS!
- Pode ter certeza!Com meus 1.56m no meu pais de terceiro mundo sou maior que muitos de 1.90 em seu pais prospero!

O que posso dizer e que ganhei muitos fans naquele dia. :D

ENGLISH VERSION:

Woman OF attitude...

I got everything, everything I could get: letters, pictures, cards, little papers, little memories, printed e-mails... EVERYTHING, inside a folder, a blue one. blue as it used to be.BABY BLUE PAST BLUE.. everything hiden deep inside a wardrobe, and it will be kept there untill a grandson of mine take it and decide to write a book on my diaries and  memories publishing as a non authorized biography. Like a movie I saw once, before passing away an old lady says:THE HEART OF A WOMAN IS A DEEP OCEAN OF SECRETS. Misteryous me? yes, why not? I took it from my dear mommy. And it should remain this way...

AND WHAT ABOUT THE WOMAN OF ATTITUDE?

AH I tell you..I was called by Jipe tour to do some little tracks as a tour guide. I got it while college don't start over, besides, my tour guide licence was so useless that was full of spider's webs! ohoh :D I was on the living room, reading a magazine waitting for the tour guide who would go with me through the track. Sudenly 2 very tall white, blondie,guys get into the room.. I don't need to say, they were gringos and so what? One of them went to one of the recepcionists to ask for information. Me with my eyes down concentrated on the magazine couldn't avoid to realize that on his hands, there was a little book: dutch/ portuguese! NO!NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAD PUT MY EYES DOWN! don't cry, don't cry!

I could realize the girl was desperate trying to talk to him and the dutch gringo looking like an asshole.. I swear.. I didan't want to be intromissive!

Sudenly..
-Hey girl,aren't you the tour guide who is going on the track today?
-yeah
-Do you speak english?
-yes, why?
-Please tell these guys to wait for the main tour guide who is going on the track with you!(damm it this YOU, included ME).

I did such a face but I had to go ahead and tell the GASPERS they should wait.. why did I do that?? :|

One of them replied...
-You speak english better than I do.
I was pissed off, actually these magical pills I am taking is keeping me cool but my tolerance still breaks sometimes.
-WHY???JUST BECAUSE I AM BRAZILIAN I CAN'T SPEAK BETTER ENGLISH THAN YOU DO?
I guess I scared the guy...
-oh sorry I didan't mean it!
-ok, ok nevermind!
I could only think about that ridiculous tv commercial of Centraal Beheer:
http://www.centraalbeheer.nl/cbi/cb/corporate/fun/commercial.jsp?commercial=schoonmakers&bw=modem

He start to begin a soft conversation.. I was just leasoning,I didan't even open my mouth. That dutch accent speaking english, the tone of his voice, his blue eyes, brought out some memories. What else on that guy, innocent guy who had no idea about my pain could't bring everything I am trying so hard to forget? While he was speaking I felt like running away from there or say:SHUT UP! HE SAID: you don't say anything? I just smiled...
-I am a good leasoner.

The track was ok untill the way to Corcovado, all the tourists very silent, enjoying the view and  (obviously) the dutch asked me something, I didan't want to leason to his voice but...
- what kind of plant is this one?
-I don't know, I am not into botanic stuff.
I swear I did not want to leason to his voice but...
- If you are a tour guide you should know it.
- If you ask me the whole story about this road, this forest and how and why these all damm plants were planted here I can tell you. Does it please you?

 
Dear Buddies, all the gringos looked at me with wild open eyes,one of them, a denish man, said:
-THIS IS SURE A GIRL OF ATTITUDE, I WISH THERE WERE MORE LIKE YOU IN MY COUNTRY!
-You bet!On my 1.56m living on a third world country I am bigger in my attitudes than many 1.90m people on your wealthy country.

WHAT I CAN SAY ABOUT IT? I GOT MANY FANS ON THAT DAY! :D

COVARDE....CAROLINA...CAROLINA COVARDE!

Almoço de dia das maes la em casa... familia toda reunida na mesa rindo e falando alto na sala, fui almoçar na cozinha...

COVARDIA NUMERO 1...

minha tia...e eu...
- Como vai o namorado?
-Bem...
-Quando ele vem de novo?
-Nao sei...
-Acho que so quando ele tirar ferias nao e?
-Acho que sim...

COVARDIA NUMERO 2...

Minha outra tia fazendo minha sombrancelha...
-Ta doendo??
-Nao...
-vc ta com sono?
-Nao...
-Ta triste?
- Nao...
- entao ta doendo?!!
- Ha coisas que doem muito mais do que simplesmente tirar a sombrancelha.
-O que vc quer dizer com isso?
-Nada. nao..

English version...

COWARD CAROLINA ... CAROLINA COWARD...COWARD CAROLINA...

Mother's day lunch time at my home.. the whole familly around the table on the living room, talking and laughing, I went to eat on the kitchen...

COWARDICE NUMBER 1...
my aunt and I..
- How it is your bf?
-good..
-When he is coming over?
- I don't know...
-I think only when he is on vacations right?
-I guess so...

COWARDICE NUMBER 2...
The other aunt trying to fix my eyebrow...
-Is it hurting?
-no..
-Do you feel asleep?
-no...
- Sad?
-no..
-Then it is hurting isan't it?!!
-There are things that hurt much more than having your eyebrow fixed.
-What do you mean?
-nothing, nevermind...

iSSO E RIDICULO...
 ALGUM ENGRAÇADINHO ESTA ESCREVENDO MENSAGENS EM MEU BLOG EM NOME DO ARJAN, PARE COM ISSO!!!! EU ESPERO QUE VC QUE FAZ GRACINHAS AQUI NUNCA PASSE POR UMA DOR COMO ESSA.

RIDICULOUS...

SOMEONE WHO USES TO READ MY BLOG IS POSTING COMMENTS IN THE NAME OF ARJAN.. STOP WITH THAT PLEASE! I HOPE YOU WHO MAKE THIS KIND OF JOKES NEVER FACE THIS PAIN ONCE IN LIFE.

psychotic- neurotic x-gf

UM GAROTO... O NOME DELE E...

ESSE CARA ME PERSEGUE JA FAZ MAIS DE UMA ANO. UM DIA EU DEIXEI QUE ELE ME ACOMPANHASSE ATE EM CASA E ELE TENTOU ME BEIJAR... EU QUASE BEIJEI MAS NAO O FIZ, BEM QUE DEVERIA TER FEITO...
ONTEM ELE ME VIU E PELA CARA ELE NOTOU QUE HAVIA ALGO DE ERRADO.. DEPOIS DE CONTAR A ELE A PODRIDAO DA COVARDIA DE UM HOMEM A QUE ME SUBMETI ELE DISSE: QUER NAMORAR COMIGO?? NAMORA COMIGO?? POXA EU TE SIGO HA TANTO TEMPO!! EU GOSTO DE VOCE!! PELO MENOS EU MORO BEM PERTINHO DA SUA CASA, A GENTE PODE SE BEIJAR TODO DIA!
ME LEMBRO QUE A ULTIMA VEZ QUE GFUI A ILHA DE PAQUETA FIQUEI MEIO QUE COM MEDO DE ENCONTRA-LO LA.  A MAE DELE MORA LA E ELE VAI PRA LA TODO FIM DE SEMANA. E ADIVINHA COM QUEM EU ESTAVA A TIRACOLO NA ILHA DE PAQUETA???!!! NAO PRECISO NEM DIZER NE?
MINHA UNICA REACAO AS PALAVRAS DELE?? RIR MUITO... E DIZER... VOU PENSAR NO SEU CASO... MAS EU NAO CONFIO NELE E DE HOMEM COMPLICADO EU JA ESTOU FARTA!! EU SO PODERIA ATURAR UM MAS ESSE UM JA SE FOI...

PELO MENOS EU TENHO AMIGOS VERDADEIROS, VOCE TEM??

Obrigado Fernanda  por esse texto lindo!!
Obrigado Raquel por me aturar no telefone!!
Obrigado Noe por abrir meus olhos!!

Borboletas

(Mário Quintana)

"Com o tempo, você vai percebendo que
para ser feliz com uma outra pessoa,
você precisa, em primeiro lugar,
não precisar dela.

Percebe também que aquele cara que você ama
(ou acha que ama) e que não quer nada com você,
definitivamente,
não é o homem da sua vida.

Você aprende a gostar de você,
a cuidar de você e, principalmente,
a gostar de quem também gosta de você.

O segredo é não correr atrás das borboletas...
é cuidar do jardim para que elas venham até você.
no final das contas, você vai achar,
não quem você estava procurando,
mas quem estava procurando por você!"

english version:

A BOY... HIS NAME IS.....

THIS GUY CHASE ME FOR MORE THAN ONE YEAR STRAIGHT. ONE DAY I ALLOWED HIM TO TAKE ME HOME AND HE TRYED TO KISS ME... I ALMOST DID, BUT I DIDAN'T... ACTUALLY THINKING BETTER I SHOULD HAVE DONE IT...

YESTERDAY HE SAW ME AND LOOKING AT MY FACE HE REALIZED THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG... AFTER TELLING HIM ABOUT EVERYTHING, HE SAID: DO YOU WANNA DATE ME? PLEASE STAY WITH ME!! I FOLLOW YOU FOR A SO LONG TIME!! I LIKE YOU!! AT LEAST I LIVE VERY CLOSE TO YOU AND WE CAN KISS EACH OTHER EVERY DAY!
I REMEMBER THE LAST DAY I HAD BEEN IN PAQUETA ISLAND I GOT A LITTLE SCARED TO MEET HIM THERE, HIS MOTHER LIVES THERE AND HE USES TO SPEND  EVERY WEEKEND THERE. GUESS WHOSE COMPANY I HAD THE LAST TIME I HAD BEEN IN PAQUETA???.. I DON'T EVEN NEED TO SAY THAT RIGHT?

MY ONLY REACTION TO HIS WORDS?? LAUGH A LOT ALMOST CRACKING OUT
.. I SAID .. I WILL THINK ABOUT IT!- OF COURSE I WON'T!IHIHIH...BUT I DON'T TRUST HIM AND COMPLICATED MAN.. OH I COULD ONLY STAND ONE! AND THA ONE HAS GONE...

AT LEAST I GOT REAL , REAL FRIENDS, DO YOU??

Thanks Fernanda for this beautifull text!
Thanks Raquel to cheer me up on our telephone calls!
Thanks Noe for openening my eyes!!

Butterflies:

As time goes bye, you learn that to be happy with
someone you need at first place don't depend on that person.

You also realize that "that" man you love
(or think you love) and doesn't want anything with you anymore
definatelly
is not the love and the man of your life.

You learn to love yourself.
to take care of you, specially to love someone who also loves you

The secret is not run after the butterflies but...
take care of the garden so they gonna come to you.
At the end, you gonna find,
not someone you were looking for,
but someone who was looking for you!

(Mario Quintana, a brazilian writer I love translated to english :)

 
  
 
____________________________________________________

Oraçao da Serenidade:

Conceidei-nos Senhor, a serenidade necessaria para
aceitar as coisas que nao podemos modificar,
coragem para modificar aquela que podemos e
sabedoria para distinguir uma das outras.

O sonho...

Hoje eu acordei ao som de uma musica linda (eu geralmente durmo com o radio ligado). Eu estava sonhando, eu estava em um palco dançando e havia somente uma pessoa na plateia, eu nao conseguia ver diretio quem era essa pessoa, havia muita fumaça. Eu dançava a musica, e a pessoa se levantou-era o Arjan -e ele me disse-detalhe-em portugues: Eu estive o tempo todo te assistindo, eu estive o tempo todo a seu lado, mas essa fumaça entre eu e voce nao deixa que possamos ver um ao outro, nao nos permite chegar mais perto, vem ate mim, eu nao posso ir ate voce!!
Eu saltei do palco com uma saia longa e sapatilhas de bailarina, pulei do palco e abracei ele tao forte! eu senti que as lagrimas dele molhavam meu ombro, e eu acordei chorando ja ao fim da musica: GROOVY KIND OF LOVE do Phill Collins. Mas quando dei por mim. decidi parar de chorar , levantar a cabeça e fazer uma oraçao pra que Deus me proteja e que proteja  toda a influencia por tras de tudo isso, "influencias" essas, que se pudessem sentir so por um dia um pouquinho da minha dor, jamais teriam a atitude de destruir o que houve entre nós.

psicotica- neurotica ex namorada.

ENGLISH VERSION:

Serenity prayer:

Lord, Give us  serenity enough to accept things we can't change,courage to change things we can change and wisdom to distinguish one to the others.

The dream...

Today when I woke up in the morning there was  beautifull song on the radio( I usually sleep with the radio on). I was dreaming I was on a stage dacing, watching me, just one person on the middle of the audience.I couldn't see very well who was that person, there was a cloud of smoke between the stage and the audience. While I was dancing, that person stood up, it was Arjan, and he said: I was watching over you, all the time, I was by your side, but this cloud of smoke between me and you don't allow us to see each other, don't allow us to get closer, come to me, because I can't come to you.
I just jumped out of the stage, using a long skirt and dancer shoes and I hugged him so strong.I felt his tears over my shoulder and Ifinally woke up crying by the end of the song
GROOVY KIND OF LOVE (Phill Collins). When I came back to reality, I decided to stop crying, put my head up and say a prayer. I asked  God with all my strenght to protect all the influences behind the wall of the end of our relationship. because I do know that if that"Influences" could feel just a little bit of my pain, would never try to destroy the moments between us.

psychotic, neurotic x-gf...